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My friend, Ill say it clear, Ill state my case, of which Im certain...
And thus, my final full day at IBM is drawing to a close, and I'm ready to go. I've cleaned out my desk, my cubicle, my drawers, cabinets and so forth. I've cared home 6 years of my life, which, ironically fit in three shopping bags. I've sent off my final farewell e-mails, gathered a list of contacts for references, and said goodbye to the people I've worked with. Soon, I'll head out into the bright, sunny day, top down, wind in my hair, sun on my face.
It's bittersweet, that's for sure. Sometimes, the repetition and monotony of the job really got to me, but I've worked with some really great people. Some ecclectic, some eccentric, some genius, some not so much. I've worked on some great technology and now have a very good understanding of things like Xen and VMWare virtualization. Technology like Real Time Linux. Things like enterprise storage solutions. I've seen a lot.
I've had servers with 512GB of RAM. Servers with more than 4TB of disk storage. Diskless servers, headless servers. Rack mounted and free standing beasts of steel and silicon. I've seen things, yes I have. I've seen bugs, chased problems and resolved them. I've worked with teams across the globe and gotten the job done time and time again. I've lead the drive to get products to market by testing and verifying their functionality. I've participated in calls and meetings, some of which I will never forget.
I've gotten food poisoning from the on-site cafeteria, caught colds and flus from colleagues and co-workers alike. I've seen people explode in torrents of violence and sorrow. And I've lived through it all. Yes, it is regrettable that I must go, but go I must. It's been, if nothing else, entertaining. Educational. Fun even. And now I must depart.
I have no idea where I'm going. I just know where I've been. It felt like home, somewhat. At least, a home away from home. The funny thing is, though, that I always kind of viewed the lab like a jail, and everyone who left to go on to better work was a parolee on the way out the door to "the world," but now that I am doing the same walk, albeit involuntarily, I feel a sense of sorrow and melancholy. This has been my life for 6 years. That's a long time for me.
I've dedicated myself to my job. I've worked long hours, weekends, nights. I've put my all into projects until my eyes started going bad. I've sat in a noisy, poorly ventilated lab until my ears were damaged. I've sat in the same chair until my back was injured from all the slumping and leaning. I've worked holidays. I've passed up vacations and breaks. I've worked through countless lunches and missed free days off to get the job done.
But in the end, it was just not enough. I don't know what more to do. I gave it all I had, and then some, and it just wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough. Despite the fact that I know more about this stuff and am better at my job than most of my co-workers, I wasn't good enough. And I think that's what really bothers me. Beyond the drastic change this will be in my life, that is what really brings me down.
There was a time when companies really looked out for their employees. There was a time when people were not just numbers on a balance sheet, they were actually people. There was a time when hard work and skill was actually rewarded, instead of being sent off to cheap labor in some foreign market. There was a time when working for a particular company was actually a mark of pride. But those days seem to be long gone.
Now people only work for the paycheck. Now, people hop from company to company riding a train of offers and benefits. Now, companies use creative terms like "human capital" and "brain share" and "resource action." And that's the world we live in. I have the work ethic of the 1950s, but I'm a Generation X man. I grew up in the 80s, high on glitz and materialism and success. These times are different, and I must change with them. Sadly, I must change and become exactly what I always detested. I must become one who only works for the pay, and doesn't worry so much about actual pride. Because THAT seems to be what gets rewarded now.
Loyalty means little anymore. Dedication means nothing. And that is a sad, sad commentary on our times. Is it really any wonder why we are in the state we're in?
Das Aggregator!