Waxing Philosophical

If you're reading this, then two events of Earth Shattering and Life Ending proportions have come to pass with nary a hair lost in their wakes of death and destruction.

The first of these is the opening of the new McDonald's on the Hwy 64 Bypass in Pittsboro. I read the cries of the many on the Chatham Chatlist in angered protest against McDs coming to town as person after person revealed their most intimate painful memories of how this mega-corporation had sewn the seeds of chaos in their lives.  read more »

Those three words have left me sitting at my desk at work today feeling as though I have been kicked in the crotch repeatedly.

I haven't written much here in a while. The reason for this is because I have been busy with work, and busy with a doggie who was very sick. My little Jack had a growth on his lip last year. The vets treated him with antibiotics and it went away. A few months later, it came back but this time went away on it's own. Then it came back again; this time for good.

We got the biopsy results today from NC State's veterinary school from the samples that they took from his mouth. Squamous cell carcinoma, aggressive, non-metastasized, and invading his mouth, sinuses, and eventually spreading to other places in his head. We discussed options, and frankly there are none. They said we could put him through treatment that would cost 5 to 10 thousand dollars, plus surgery. But even after that, his chances at survival are dismal, and that would put him through months of pain and fear. In the end, I knew. They said I would, and I knew. There is only one decision here.

My lovely boy has been feeling bad for some time, and it has gotten progressively worse over the last few weeks. He's been on pain medicine and two different antibiotics. Today we learned why. And today, I have to do the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I'll write about Jack soon. I'll tell the story of Jack. Right now, though, I need to get some coffee. I need to sit and breathe, and think, and hide from the people at work. I don't want them to see me cry. I don't want anyone to see me cry over my Jack. I don't want their pity, nor their curious looks. I just want to be left alone today.

Squamous cell carcinoma. Skin cancer. Three words that lead me to do something I didn't think I would have to do for years to come. So I must call Dr. Betton, Jack's first vet, the only one he ever truly trusted. Maybe it's a blessing, but Jack always trusted Dr. Betton, who always remembered him, and us, and was never afraid to get down on the floor with him, give him kisses and scratches. Dr. Betton now has a mobile clinic that he runs in my area. He lives here. He is one of us.

So, once I can arrange it, I'll have Dr. Betton come to the house. I promised Jack that I would be with him until the end. I promised him that I wouldn't let him suffer any more than necessary. I intend to keep that promise. I also promised him that when the time came, I would do it at home, where he can be surrounded by family, buy our other fur kids. I will honor that promise now. He will pass on at home, in the place he loves, the place he calls his own. He will pass on his own bed, not in some cold, antiseptic clinic room. I will hold him in my arms until the end, and then some. And one day I will see him at the Rainbow Bridge, and see his smile, his stupid Snoopy dance, his wagging tail and the big green eyes that made us fall in love with him the day we first saw him.

It's been a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I am sitting right now at the little town park in Pittsboro, having just finished a tasty Andy's cheeseburger and onion rings. I sit here, sipping my iced tea watching two girls play on the sing set, their mothers pushing them and chatting amongst themselves. Birds chirp in the trees and overhead a single engine airplan is flying around, probably some pilot out enjoying this absolutely beautiful day.  read more »

My last post had a lot to do with frustration. No, this is not a retraction, I still stand by what I said regarding the culture of oppression that is promoted by various religions, especially the Muslim culture in today's world. Let's be frank, shall we? I work with and consider quite a few people who are Muslim my friends. They are genuinely nice people, just as the majority of Christians, Bhuddists, Hindi and other religious groups. They are not the problem. They are the problem. Do you see the dichotomy?