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Jeff and AmandaSo I have been rather un-Christmas-y this year. A lot has happened, most of which occurred within the past 6 months, which has taken its toll on my Holiday Cheer. But I got a special gift for Christmas that is far better than anything I think I could have gotten from anyone else. What I got was a few hours with this beautiful young lady, my eldest God-daughter.
I still get just a tad weepy when I think about her. I can still to this day remember the night she was born and the absolute fear I felt when her dad thrust this tiny little thing into my arms. Over and over I thought, "Oh God, I'm gonna drop her, or break her, or something!" and yet I held fast and she grabbed my finger with her tiny little hands and at that instant I fell in love.
I feel so bad for not being there much as she was growing. I only get to see her once every few years and some of that is my fault. In the intervening years, her dad has been stationed in a couple different places, and I have moved once or twice myself. Soon she'll be moving again, a good move for her dad, and I wish them all the best, but I know that it'll be years more before I get to see her again.
But distance and time aside, she has always remembered me, and I have never gone without thinking about her. I don't know why exactly, but she does mean so very much to me. Perhaps it IS because she was the first, or maybe it is because I felt so honored when I was asked to be The Godfather®. Whatever the reason is, she will always have my heart; probably more than she'll ever realize.
She's growing up so fast, as are her brothers and new sister, and I realized this weekend just how much I missed out on because I let my own life get in the way. Sadly, that's how much of the world is. We are all wrapped up in our own little realities and neglect the important things in our lives. My fear is that she'll outgrow me, forget about this guy her parents know that sends her stuff every now and then. I genuinely feel like Puff the Magic Dragon at the end of that tale, when little Jackie Paper grows up and has to put away childish things.
I know that she'll never really forget me. I also know that she'll always love me, just as I'll always love her. I am just irrational like that some times. And sometimes I fear that my God-children are all the kids I'll ever get to have in life. The future holds it's cards close to the vest, so who knows.
So this year, the best Christmas gift I could have received, was an evening with my eldest God-daughter, the first infant I ever held, and this picture that I will hold dear forever.
Das Aggregator!